Doing it for ME.

 There are a lot of days when I'm not in the mood to workout. There are a lot of days when I want to stuff my face with unhealthy food. In those moments of doubt, it's very important to look at how far I've come, reevaluate my goals, and think about the future.

How far I've come: I've lost just about 9 pounds. Pretty darn good considering I've never even attempted to lose weight before. I'm pretty proud and amazed at what a little determination can do.

Reevaluating my goals: This whole journey started because of the way I felt about myself. If we're being 100% honest, it was never really about getting healthier. It was about getting thinner so I could escape being the person who heard all of the insults and mean comments I've gotten throughout my life. So I could be someone who received compliments and who was generally perceived as thin and normal and likeable.

The thing is, that's not really my goal anymore.

I would love to have people notice and compliment me on my weight loss. (Of course!) But, I'm more concerned with the bigger picture here. I just want to be happy with who I am.

When I look in the mirror today, I don't see a girl who's lost almost 10 pounds. I see flaws. I see reasons to work out. I see things that make me sad, not happy. And somehow, after all of this hard work, I still don't feel very confident about my appearance.

I've discovered that losing weight isn't the key to confidence. Years of insecurities have made me feel like crap, and a few pounds gone isn't going to help much. What I believe will help is realizing that...I am awesome. And my weight doesn't change that. I have an amazing boyfriend. Family and friends who love me. And my weight doesn't change that either.

Goals for the future: Work out. Eat well. Stay active. Love yourself. The rest will fall into place. You can't count calories every day for the rest of your life. Just keep working on weight loss until you feel that you are at a healthy and comfortable weight. Then step back and realize you're never going to be perfect. Don't hate yourself for skipping a workout. Don't freak out after every treat you let yourself enjoy. Above all, do this for YOU. You only have one life to live and you don't want to spend it at war with yourself.

[Sorry this is so long!]  -Ellen